A Father's Perspective: What is ADOPTION?

Written by Daddy

     As I set here this evening observing my wife and children react to adoption stories I began to ponder: What is Adoption?  If you are like my wife while reading the first sentence you are probably thinking: Whoa this dude is off his rocker that ship has already sailed!  But I would ask that you entertain my thoughts. 

    To help set the stage I will give you a little perspective of what has happened through our journey.  Last October Krista came home from a Women’s Retreat not professing the Gospel but professing that we should adopt.  Blew my mind, I know.  Not sure how we go from Jesus to adopt in one weekend but after 12 years of marriage when the wife says jump you say “How high!”  Then the application, then choosing International or domestic, then the country/location, then learning that we had to switch countries due to some minor issues, and then homework.  All that was in the first month or two of the adoption process.  Next we started the “Home Study,” waited for the “Home Study” to be finished and submitted, translated, and began the Immigration/Homeland Security checks.  Then a long wait, letter of intent for Kalyn, long wait, China saying yes and now a short wait on Immigration and Visas.  In the next few days, weeks, months we should be completing Article 5 (another unknown adoption term), TA (travel Approval), booking flights, “traveling on a Jet Plane,” Gotcha day, few other things then back home.  As you can see quite a long ordeal as some would say.  The short version is that Jesus spoke to Krista at a Women’s retreat through a social worker named Sharon, then a lot of papers were filled out and many months went by only to have a son find us so we can travel to bring him home. 
   
    WOW, what a story…. Right.  What I so happened to leave out is the “What is Adoption” part.  Adoption is a whole lot of paperwork and wait but most importantly it is one, two, three or more people experiencing every range of EMOTION one can think of.  This EMOTION can be split in two categories: “the WIFE” and then “the Husband.”  So here it goes, I hope I have her emotional perspective correct.

    “the WIFE:”  This journey began with a renewed excitement: exuberance, exhilaration, delightment, and a jubilation of what was to come.  Then came the nerves, the nervousness that ensued when having to tell her husband of the plan.  Then defense mechanisms started to kick in but were suddenly halted by confusion.  The confusion of what her husband had just said.  Could he have lost his mind, not heard her or was he giving an honest answer.  He does of course like to Josh around when serious matters are discussed.  Next came months of frustrations, mountains of paperwork, the feeling of being afraid, the “What if’s,” the excitement, tears of frustration, tears of joy, exhaustion and even anger at times.  I believe these emotions came in waves since October of 2013.  At times the kids and I would utter “I love you” under our breaths to see what kind of response we would get.  This allowed us time to run if needed.  Through this journey she has been the rock to get us through each mountain of paper work and the glue to keep us together.  Women have an unique way of going through each emotion often some emotions all at the same time and my wife is no different.  Even though God mentions that he fashioned Eve from Adam’s rib I am not sure men can even come close to our beautiful counter parts in the Emotion department. 

Daddy's READY!

      “the Husband:”  My wife often makes claims that I am so emotionless during this whole process but I could argue otherwise.  As a Father we go through a vast range of emotions such as happy, mad, frustrated, and indifferent.  All joking aside we as men do go through a vast array of emotions but we often do not express them openly.  I can remember back the day we gave birth to our first son, Jeremiah, let’s say that day was filled with so many emotions.  As I write this the emotions begin to flow over me.  That day was filled with exhaustion, excitement, being scared when they said “Emergency C-Section,” helplessness (I could not help my wife, there was nothing I could do to fix it), and then the moment when he arrived.  WOW as a father there is nothing more AWESOME then when your child is born.  I could not hold back the tears.  A father’s love, that’s when I understood how much our father GOD loves us.  As with each new pregnancy and child a new set of emotions passes through a father.  Karah was the first “Princess” that stole her father’s heart and continues to tug at it.  I would often ask myself how I could have enough love for another child after Jeremiah.  I never really knew or understand the answer to that question until Karah was born.  I asked myself the same question when Jennah was on the way.  Along with the question of how I could love two daughters as much as just one.  Then Jennah was born while in the middle of achieving my dream of becoming a Veterinarian.  She gave me the drive and determination to complete my dream. 

 

 How could you not love something as cute as my “Love Bug.” While this process has been different it has yet again brought up more questions and emotions.  Love is not a question I know and truly feel that Kalyn is my SON.  Each day my love for him grows stronger and stronger.  As this process progresses new questions arise for me as I would suspect for many other fathers.  How can I provide for this child and how can I protect him/her from adversity or do I embrace adversity.  These questions evoke fear for many of us husbands/fathers.  We often judge our abilities by how we provide for our families.  Since it is beyond my understanding to have known the answers to these questions I must allow GOD to provide for my family and me.  Each will bring about new hurdles and I will rely on GOD to give me strength to face it. 

    To wrap things up: What is Adoption?  It is the ability for one, two, three or more people to allow EMOTIONS to enter their life and pour out LOVE toward another human being.  What is Adoption without EMOTIONS and LOVE….. it’s all just a pile of papers.  As  I wrap this up I am reminded of a couple things.  First of all God loved us so much that he gave his one and only son to die for our sins.  This is powerful, and shows us that there is an eternal bond between a father and his son/children.  Also I am reminded of the song “Jesus Loves Me.”  Every parent at one time or another has sung it to their children.  The first stanza goes something like this:   
                    

Jesus loves me this I know

For the bible tells me so

Little ones to him belong

They are weak but he is strong!

As the song states we are his children, we are weak but we must rely on him for strength.  I could not endure this adoption process without GOD being on my side.  Also Krista you are my ROCK and to Jeremiah, Karah, Jennah, and Kalyn I could not be any more PROUD to say I am your DAD!